Wedding Day!

Hey girls! I finally have my wedding date! It's going to be on Tuesday, June 5, 2007 at 1PM. Please pray for me on that day and wish me good luck as I embark on this new life with my future hubby.

Rules of Engagement

As of March 18, 2007, Claire Anne S. Miranda is off the market, boys! Hehehehehe. I'm engaged! I'm engaged! I just cannot contain how elated I feel. I look at my ring and I just love how they sparkle. I've worn rings on my left ring finger before but this ring just feels so different. It's amazing how different it feels mainly because of what it stands for. It's a symbol that this man sees how valuable I am to his life that he is not willing to wait and risk losing me. For the first time of my life, I feel like I'm the one being pursued.

The proposal wasn't a storybook one. There were no romantic candlelit dinners. No string quartet playing in the background. No overly creative schemes to hide the ring and eventually, present it. It happened after a big snow storm that hit Fort Drum where we were left stranded in his room in his military base. We were watching Clint Eastwood's Dirty Harry movie and I was wearing a hoodie, jeans and sneakers. Then we got around to talking about surprises and just out of the blue, he just brought out a little, black box. I even had to tell him, "Wait! You have to kneel first!" Now I know why he told me not to go snooping around his room when he was answering nature's call. He knew I liked to open drawers and look around. He presented me the engagement ring with the matching wedding band to which I commented, "I'll just take one for now."

But in its simplicity and ordinariness, lies its beauty. It's a reflection of how a marriage should start : a very humble beginning with loads of humor and the promise that from that moment on, things would just get better and better.

A Paradox of Emotions

How should I describe what I'm feeling? Alot of changes are happening in my life in such a fast pace. For a well-thoughout girl, I am here in such an unorthodox relationship and engagement. I'm in a limbo stuck between a bf-gf relationship and an engaged relationship. Am I making sense? Let me explain. Jorge hasn't formally proposed yet so therefore, we are not yet formally engaged. But for some crazy reason, we have concrete plans of marrying in two months! So I can honestly say everything is just upside down, which I think adds up to the appeal of the relationship. It is anything but predictable and it gives an exhilirating sense of adventure! If you know me well enough, I don't do well with constant spontaneity, I always want to plan but it's so funny how easily I can just resign myself to the heavens and let Providence direct my course.

Better judgment cautions me to slow things down and get to know him more and yet experience tells me that knowing him for a year or 8 years would not matter. Even after 8 years of being with someone, I was faced with the realization that I never really knew the person iI was with. Maybe those 3 years of long distance relationship was God's way of letting me know that He has been training me...bootcamp way...for Jorge. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. Whatever decision I'm meant to make, I would make it. With the advent of Jorge's early deployment, I am hounded by feelings of excitement (in getting married) and worry (that I won't get to spend so much time with my new husband). I feel less lonely knowing that I finally have someone with me willing to go the distance and yet I fear the thought of loneliness when he goes to his 1-year deployment.

With Jorge, I've broken down certain conventions such as agreeing to get married before his deployment in a civil wedding ceremony (The church will come post deployment in Manila). This is a detour from my comfort zone. Every action I've taken, I've done so calculatingly not realizing that in order to live life, one has to take risks and to trust someone...again. I'm not sure how married life would be for me. I sure know it's not going to be a bed of roses but I've learned enough to know that I can try.

The Perfect Song haaaay

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, dont patronize - dont patronize me

Chorus: cause I cant make you love me if you dont
You cant make your heart feel something it wont
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and Ill feel the power
But you wont, no you wont
cause I cant make you love me, if you dont

Ill close my eyes, then I wont see
The love you dont feel when youre holding me
Morning will come and Ill do whats right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
Chorus: cause I cant make you love me if you dont
You cant make your heart feel something it wont
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and Ill feel the power
But you wont, no you wont
cause I cant make you love me, if you dont

Waiting in vain...

Ange tayong dalawa pa lang nagpopost dito...ibig sabihin ang dami nating issues ahahaha! Anyway ako naman...

After talking to Claire yesterday about letting go of and detaching myself from him because there's really something wrong going on....Nag hangout na naman ako with him...

Well actually may plan na talaga na labas kami for lunch and buy dvds. So baba ako sa apartment niya. He was playing with his new laptop when I got there. Tas upo ako sa tabi niya tas naki-usi...tas he suddenly pulled me and kissed me on the cheeks. Tas he said "I love you..bes" na naman. Haaaay since I still have feelings for him....kinilig na naman ako...actually ndi kilig yung term..more on naconfuse na naman ako. So ok kain na kami...tas while eating he suddenly said (I swear out of the blue talaga)..."I dont see myself getting married in 5 years". Tas sabi ko "huh bakit naman? Ikaw pa eh lagi mo sinasabi sa akin dati na gusto mo na magasawa". He said "hindi noh joke lang yun...feeling ko hindi pa ako ready sa responsibilities of marriage." Tas sabi ko "Haaay nakuu narinig ko na rin yan dati (referring to when he said he's not ready to have a gf tas nagkagf na rin naman pla)..hindi na ako naniniwala". Tas sabi niya "iba yun noh..ang gf pwede iluwa ang asawa ndi (referring to the old saying na ang kasal ay ndi mainit na kanin na pwedeng iluwa lol)". So sabi ko "well ako rin naman hindi pa ready...gusto ko pa mag-aral abroad and travel the world before I get married". Tas tumahimik siya and suddenly changed the topic. Weird di ba? Maybe im just reading to much into it..pero kasi everytime he sees me surfing for universities..he'd always say "mukhang seryoso ka talaga diyan ah"...tas sabay hug sa akin tas kiss sa akin either sa forehead or cheeks. I get the feeling na he doesnt want me to leave or something. Ewan ko ba ...

So now I realized na love ko talaga siya...na I'm willing to wait for him...i'll just leave it up to fate/time kung mapagod man ako and eventually let go....haaaay girls help me

Are you just a habit or some kind of addiction?

Haaaay gals...I don't know if I'm just a martyr or a masochist...i still love him =(. Even if we agreed to be bestfriends...it still hurts everytime he speaks about his gf...and it doesn't help that he's still touchy sweet to me. I know that moving away from him is the best solution..but I dont think I can do it...especially since you guys are so far away =(. Need support waaaaah =(. Plan ko is just to start detaching myself from him when we're back in Manila na. And i won't tell him that I'm leaving him...i'll just do it =(. It hurts waaaaah...that's why I want to go home na =(. Help!

Hello!

Hi guys,
At last we have our own blog! After 5 years of planning...we finally have one! =) Hope we can use this as a way to always keep in touch with each other....even if we're continents apart! =)

Miss you guys!!!